Thanks to some dear friends I recently visited Chicago, IL. More specifically Lake View, otherwise known as Wrigleyville for baseball fans. A vibrant city, with some very attractive women, and a refreshing excitement around town about a baseball team who has little to no chance of making the playoffs. Wrigleyville has the feel of a college campus. There are tons of bars, many college themed, and young people outside playing bags (aka corn hole) dawning hats, beards, sandals, and clothes stained because they have failed to bring their laundry home for mom. And right smack dab in the middle is one of the oldest baseball stadiums, Wrigley Field. A monument of America's pastime being celebrated on a daily basis. It is truly a thing of beauty. But what stood out to me most about Chicago, was how nice the people are. And frankly, I don't like it!
We have all been there, you are in a popular bar, attempting to get to your friends or the bathroom, but because it is so crowded you find yourself bumping into people. For most of us there is an understanding that this is no big deal but for others, especially those who have had too much to drink and get off on the idea of punching someones teeth in, this pisses them off. The results...at the very least you argue....at the worst, you get in a physical altercation. Enter the city of Chicago (a true story). While in a rather crowded bar I attempted to go from one end of the bar to the other to hit the John. While on this journey, I was met by a large group of hotties and D's not unlike Moses being faced by the Red Sea. Oh sorry, D's are d-bags, douchers, or douchebags. When I attempted to make my way through the mixed sea it became clear that the water was angry that day. Because I was bumping into hotties and D's up the yin yang. This typical scenario usually ends with a dirty Puma and a black eye. Waiting for some major ball busting I tread as softly as possible. Instead of harsh words coming flying at me one of the D's helped me get through the pack by telling his "peeps" to "get out the way." One of the D's began commenting about the Yankees hat I was wearing in disgust. When I snapped back about the Yankees record the man began to laugh and we discussed baseball. But wait, that sentence didn't end with my ass getting kicked or in a bathroom stall vomiting up gluten free pizza. That's because people in Chicago are nice. And frankly, I don't like it.
When I got back to my friends and explained the incident, or lack thereof one of my friends, a native of Chi-town, smiled and told me that the people are nice here. Another friend explained that people from the Midwest are just nice people. I was astonished by what had happened, and slightly angered. The trip continued for several more days, and similar occurrences transpired. Nice people around every corner, to the point where I swear some old lady asked me to be a beneficiary in her will, all I had to do was spend a weekend in her haunted old house on the top of a mountain in Transylvania. After sleeping like a log my trip had come to an end. I said my goodbyes and made my way back to America's wang (Florida), still wondering why the people were so nice.
When I got home I caught the new FX show "Louis" (starring stand-up comic Louis C.K.) in this particular episode Louis, a native New Yorker, is in Alabama performing his act. After a failed set he runs into an odd redneck dude and sister, when Louis fortes the sister's sexual advances her brother attempt to assault Louis in the parking lot with a gun. A male cop saves the day by knocking the perp on the back of the head with the butt of his rifle. The cop drives Louis home, and when it seems as though the cop is trying to shake Louis down for some cash it is revealed that the cop instead wants a kiss on the lips - not because he is gay he claims, but because it would be nice. When confronted with the decision whether he should kiss the officer Louis says that, "the South really is different. I always say that people are the same all over the country. But no, the south really is different." Louis then decides to kiss the cop, a very odd yet hilarious ending. I, like Louis, had experienced that cultures vary throughout the country. I just didn't have to do it by kissing some smelly old dude. This helped but I still wasn't satisfied.
Not soon after making my way home (in South Florida) I went out to a disco-tech, or "bar" as you might say. While at the "bar" I was once again pressed up against hotties and D's. Except in South Florida you can multiply the hottness and the D-ness ten fold. At first mone of the people I was bumping into said a word, until I bumped King D Meat Head the first, looking like he was straight out of the "Jersey Shore" (sorry Mike "the Situation"). Y'see the King has found the object he can take his insecurities out on, me. After exchanging words (aka my apologizing while he admits he'd rather continue the conversation in a more outdoor setting) it becomes clear he'd rather not have my presence on his "side" of the bar. I walked away furious, but drunk enough not to care and it dawned on me. Yeah maybe people in the Chicago are nice, and maybe it is because it is in the Midwest but what if, and what seems more likely, it's just that a large group of people in South Florida are just plain mean. Maybe, I have spent too much time in areas of this country where the people could give a crap about solidarity. While the man's belligerence was not ideal, it did put me at ease.
Links of the day:
Cornhole (tailgate toss, bean bag toss, baggo, dbags, or bags) is a lawn game in which players take turns throwing cornhole bags at a raised platform with a hole in the far end. These platforms are usually made with plywood or plastic and are often decorated. A corn bag in the hole scores 3 points, while one on the platform scores 1 point. Play continues until a player reaches the score of 21. Thanks for that Wikipedia, the official rules are found at the American Cornhole Association.
Feel like prank calling someone by having another persons number appear on their phone...no?! Yes you do, go to Telespoof.com.
With hilarious and creative lists about everything from the "worst jobs ever," to "the least frightening cartoon bad guys," Cracked.com is hours of time wasting.
Best movie of all time? This website decides through a chart that covers the gamut from "Back 2 the Future" to "Gone with the Wind."
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